Have you ever had days where you truly despise yourself? That has been how I've been feeling lately. Outwardly, I know I give off a nice enough air most of the time, but internally I feel I am a horrible person. As a Christian, I know this to be true, but I also know that Christ has redeemed me and made me clean. Lately, I have really begun to notice just how much I haven't allowed him to change me. I see it in my negative attitude towards certain people and my lack of patience towards the kids at work(a day care). Don't worry, I am not abusing them or anything near that. I just used to have unwavering patience even for the troubling kids, but lately I've become burnt out and lose patience easily. I hate it and try to keep it at bay. I'm even being a bad example to my young impressionable co teacher. So, Friday I was having a particularly rough morning, and really not liking my thoughts which in turn made me despise myself even more. When I have these days, it's like I see just one more nail in my eternally single coffin. I went on my break and discovered my brother had emailed me. It is amazing how God works. My brother rarely emails and is not someone who shares his feelings openly very often, but he apparently felt God's leading because most of his email was telling me he loved me and that I am a very lovable and even a likable person. He told me to keep trusting God, and in his timing God will provide a spouse for me. It really was what I needed to hear. I have done so well this week eating healthily and exercising, but the changes that need to be made in me need to start from the inside. I don't think I will ever be truly content with myself-even if I lose every inch and every pound I need to lose physically. Spiritually and emotionally, I will never be content with who I am until I give my whole self over to God. I just don't know how to do this and my pride is still too much in the way to allow me to ask for help from someone I know. If anyone out there wants to give me advice-feel free:-)