Sadness in Fall 2012

Yet again it has been a few months since I have posted on here. While I do enjoy writing these posts, life seems to take precedence over writing.

I don't think I have mentioned this in my other posts but my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer for almost 4 years ago. She was in semi-remission for a couple of years and then the beginning of this year she was informed that it was back again throughout her body.  My parents live in Tennessee and I am in Wisconsin, so we were only able to see/hear how she was doing via phone and Google Hangout which can be deceiving when she hides how badly she's really feeling from us. August of this year, Mom and Dad came up to go to her 50th High School Reunion and then spent a few days with all of the Wisconsin family. We saw much more clearly how she was doing at that point, but thought part of her exhaustion was more from the extreme busyness she had with all of her friends and relatives the weekend before. She was herself with us but we could see she was in pain and she slept on the couch with us around her quite a bit. She had started some new alternative treatments and we were hoping some of them would start to work but in September we were told it was in her liver and spleen which is pretty much a death sentence. We gave it a few weeks but after our monthly Google Hangout at the end of September, we decided we needed to head to TN to see her again. One of my brothers and his family was able to make it down the first week in October and the rest of us all made it down the following weekend. It was shocking how quickly she had gone down hill in about 6 weeks. In addition to the cancer mass in mom's liver, she also started showing signs of ascites and her belly had extended to the point of her looking like she was 6 months pregnant. She'd also lost about 50 pounds since January. We had a great weekend with her although very bittersweet. Mom was still able to get up and walk around for short periods of time and was fully cognizant of all going on around her. She did sleep a lot, but we were still about to enjoy sweet fellowship with her. We left TN on Oct 14th, thinking we would see her again for Thanksgiving in 5 weeks.  However that was not to be.

A week later Dad let us know that he'd gotten word she only had about 2 weeks left to live. We all started making plans to head to TN ASAP. My sister and I drove down on the 25th of October and we were able to get a couple words out of mom at a time every few hours but by Friday afternoon she really didn't even open her eyes but could respond by "blinking" if we asked a yes or no answer. By Saturday she was pretty much non-responsive. We had several didn't times where we thought she was about to let go and we would all gather around her and starting singing hymns and worship songs. Each time she would calm down and go back to sleeping peacefully. The Hospice company that helped mom was amazing and the nurses that would come would each say she would probably only be here a few more hours and yet she lasted for several days beyond what was expected. Mom went to be with Jesus in Heaven on November 1st. Her memorial service was on November 5th and my sister and I stayed a couple extra days after the funeral to stay with Dad.
Life has gone on but there is not a day that goes by I don't think of mom and miss her. I don't know how people that do not believe in Heaven/eternity with Jesus can function having lost a loved one. It is only knowing I will see her again someday and the fact I know she is finally able to enjoy her gardening and live a life without pain, that helps me survive each day.