"Dietgirl" Inspiration!

I finished Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl and loved the book. Shauna is an inspiration to all of us that are in the overweight category and trying to lose a few pounds the natural way, rather than the extremes. Sure, she did go through some extreme times, but eventually she came to the realization that extremes are not healthy. A quote I loved and even highlighted in the book, sums up what we need to realize. "Weight loss isn't about willpower or motivation; it's just the cumulative effect of tiny actions over time. Putting down the chocolate bars, putting on the running shoes. You just have to keep picking yourself up when you fall, over and over again, for however long it takes (p. 339)." I am definitely at this point in my weight loss journey. I've done the extreme (Medifast, HCg/Zola diet, Every other day only fruit, then whatever you want the second day...), and sure it worked for the time I was on it, but I put back on most of the weight I'd lost. Honestly when I look back at the last couple years of true hard core weight loss, the weight I've lost and kept off has been the hard work and eating semi naturally lbs, i.e., limiting sugar and swapping refined carbs for whole grains and some gluten free products.

I still have a long way to go in my journey. My body does not want to let go and lose any more. I seem to lose a couple pounds over the weekend when I am able to get enough sleep and am able to eat healthier all day. Then during the week, I get up too early and only get 6-7 hours of sleep each night, it's as if my body puts on 2-3 lbs just because I'm not getting enough sleep. Somehow, I need to find a balance where I can lose a  couple pounds over the weekend, then maintain all week and lose a couple more the next weekend. If I could get my body to relax and follow this plan, I would be at my goal of 155 by Christmas. For now, I'm going to keep plugging away and limiting my junk food (still indulging occasionally), eating lots of veggies and some fruit, eating mostly whole grains and even trying gluten free ( I have noticed I do better eating less gluten, but I haven't been able to figure out which things cause discomfort). I've also switched to using primarily Stevia for anything I need to sweeten, unless it is in baking, then it's just too expensive. In addition to eating healthier and changing my lifestyle, I am also walking (with some bursts of running) and have added some yoga to my workouts. Eventually my body is going to have to let go of some of the weight as the muscle takes over the fat.

I still have a long way to go in the emotional/mental department as well. I still feel inferior to skinny people, which is so wrong. I would never look at a person larger than myself and think that they were inferior to me or not as smart as I am. Frankly, there are several women I know that are my size or larger and I know for a fact they are far more intelligent than I could ever hope to be. I struggle in large groups, partly from my introverted personally and partly from the emotional blockage. When someone asks, "Did you have anything fun happen this week?", I won't pipe up until I know everyone else has said something and all is quiet because "Why would anyone want to hear about me and my great plans?" and if the the conversation turns before I get a chance to respond, I just don't pipe up. I also still feel like the overweight girl I've been for most of my life, even though I am finally in the average sizing and I do not have to go to plus size stores to find clothes that fit. Even with putting some of my weight back on, I can still fit into 12/14 jeans in name brand stores. Apparently I am not the only one that feels this way because Shauna listed a few areas she still struggled with, in her book, even after losing approximately 160 lbs she still felt inadequate:

• "I am inferior to anyone thinner than me.
• Any success I have is undeserved, or at best a really big fluke.
• No matter how much weight I lose, I'll still look like a Big Girl to most people.
• Nobody wants to hear about my weight loss success. They'll just think, Why'd you get so bloody fat in the first place?..." (p.370)

I often feel these same emotions and will look at women I know that are around my current size or slightly smaller and wonder how can they be so confident in themselves. They have wonderful boyfriends that "love them and all their wobbly bits" to quote Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones Diary, the Edge of Reason. I, on the other hand, look at a nice looking guy and assume he would never look twice at me because I am not NY model thin. Someday, hopefully sooner than later, I will learn to love myself and let other people love me. Maybe once that has happened, I might finally get the boyfriend/husband I've been dreaming about for 15 years. I also need to learn to get my identity from Christ. Not from what others think about me, not my family, friends, guys I know or want to meet. No one's approval should mean more to me that what Christ thinks of me. If I am not living for Christ, I will never find the satisfaction I so desparately need.